Max's Letter to Oprah - She Hasn't Responded...Yet.

Dear Oprah,

I am writing you to share my story of friendship, love and the beginning of a beautifully unique family.

I am a gay man who has been in a wonderful committed relationship with my partner, Bob, for nearly five years. We both come from families who have taught us that authentic lives come from living life centered around acceptance and love. For us, the next natural step in our relationship is to start a family and instill in our child what our families have taught us.

The science of how we plan to have a baby is not new and is not what makes this story so amazing – it is the commitment, love and friendship that will be behind the creation of this child. And this is why I felt that this story must be shared.

My partner and I have been planning to have a baby through a surrogate. We found a surrogate through an acquaintance early last year and were pregnant for 8 weeks until she had a miscarriage. It was an unimaginable pain. For 8 weeks we felt what it was like to be expecting fathers. It changed us. We were ready to try again, but soon after the miscarriage our surrogate’s husband received a job transfer and they had to relocate which meant that she couldn’t try again. We had come so far and were so close to being dads, but now it seemed like we were as far away from our dream as when we started.

But it was during this difficult time that a very incredible thing happened. One of my best friends from childhood, Carrie, stepped up and agreed to be our surrogate! I have known Carrie since I was 6 years old (I am 37 now) and she has been one of my closest and most inspirational friends throughout my life. What makes Carrie an inspiration to me and many people is that she was born without an arm, but never for one minute acted like she had a handicap. She has always lived her life by the motto that what makes people different makes them stronger. Today she travels the country sharing her story and showing people that the only limits a person has who is missing a limb are the ones they put on themselves. An example of this is when Carrie recently traveled to Las Vegas to talk with a 21 year old girl who was going to lose her arm to cancer. She said that she would rather die than lose her arm. But after meeting with Carrie and seeing how successful and vibrant of life she has filled with adventure and love, the girl decided to follow her doctor’s wishes and have her arm removed. This is just one story out of many where Carrie has shared her story and changed a person’s life. And now Carrie will be able to share one of the most amazing accomplishments anyone can achieve – creating life and giving someone a family.

I think that many people wonder what makes a person commit to having another person’s child. It can only be someone who lives and loves selflessly. During a very emotional dinner where Carrie told us that she would have our baby she explained how she believes that we are all here on this Earth to love and to help people. I have never felt this more than when she reached across the table, grabbed my hand and said, “I’d do anything for you.”

I thought that I would be a dad ever since I was a young man. My own father died when I was twelve in a skiing accident, but I was old enough to remember how outstanding of father he was to me and my sister. He never hesitated to say “I love you” or to hug me every chance he got. It is hard to think that he will never have the chance to be a grandfather, but I feel like I can carry on his legacy by being the father he never had the chance to be.

Bob and I are blessed to have our families close by here in Seattle. It has been years since a baby was born on either side of our families, so as you can imagine everyone is very excited to welcome the new addition. Add this to Carrie’s incredibly supportive family and our child will be surrounded by three loving families. We feel so lucky for all of these people in our lives and feel very fortunate for our child who will be surrounded with love.

As you can see, this is not your typical family, but rather it is beautifully atypical. We are three families who are becoming one extended family out of a friendship that started over 20 years ago. It is story of friendship and of commitment. It is a story of dedication and courage. But most of all, it is a story of love. At the center of everything is loving and being loved. With the birth of our child, never will this be more true.

Sincerely,

Max Wurzburg