Will Some of My Facebook Friends "un-Friend" Me?

I realize, now that I've posted a link to this blog on Facebook, some of my more conservative friends might find out something they didn't know about me before. I may actually lose friends for brazenly supporting two gay men's hopes of having a family. I also know that there are people who will acknowledge it, but who won't accept it and don't respect me for it. I'm quite OK with all of this.

As a girl growing up with such an obvious physical difference, I was always aware of what people thought of me. I'd catch people staring at my hook that peeked out from the end of my shirt sleeve and I could tell right away if they were accepting or not. I could size up every single person in a room and know which ones I'd have to prove my worth to, which ones were intimidated by my difference, which ones were scared and which ones I would never win over. Always trying to get people to see "me" or the "me" that they could accept was exhausting. I've come to a place in my life where I'm perfectly fine with, "Take me or leave me." I have the most wonderful group of friends and family that I'm happy to keep the ones who inspire and support me and kindly let the others go.

It still baffles me that people stand in judgement of others and condemn them for living the lives they choose. I have been on the receiving end of judgement and hate and it's an awful feeling, but it's a reality.

I respect that people have their fundamental beliefs. I have mine, as well. The letter below was sent to someone I've known for years, whose opinion of me completely changed after learning I was going to surrogate a baby for my gay friend. The letter was written with the hope that this person could look at the situation from another angle, but whether this person did or not, has no affect on my resolve to live my truth...

I am compelled to write to you, as I understand that you have very strong feelings about my choice to carry a baby for my friends who want desperately to become parents. I would like to explain my decision to help them, not because I feel it’s necessary for you to accept it, because I know that that is not an option, but because I feel it’s my moral responsibility to be who I am. Part of being who I am is living openly and honestly and trusting in myself and my beliefs enough to stand up for them in the face of those who might want to judge or condemn me.

First, let me start by saying that I am proud of the way I live my life and the things that I have done on the planet so far. I have a very strong faith in my purpose here, and I try to live up to what I believe I was put on Earth to do. I have made many mistakes in my life, but I’m fortunate to see those, own them, and learn from them along the way. I have made decisions based on fear and I have made decisions based on love and I have always found that the ones made from a place of love are the ones that change my world and the world around me for the better. In fact, part of the reason that I am with Tim again, today, is because I trusted in the love that I have for him and looked past the fear I associated with him, and have stayed true to those feelings. Today, we are better than we have ever been together, because of that dedication to our decisions coming from that place of love.

And, that is why I chose to sacrifice 10 months of my life to bring a life into this world – one that will be surrounded by love. To condemn my spirit for such a decision, not only disappoints me, but also deeply saddens me. My friends are gay. This is a fact. This is not something that they chose – that they latched on to as a passing fad. They have had to face ridicule, they have been ostracized by others, they do not get to enjoy the same freedoms and benefits that heterosexuals do. No person would “choose” this kind of treatment / life. But brave people would choose to live honestly and openly in the face of those who stand to persecute them.

Your opinions about homosexuality are just those – opinions. My friends are wonderful people, contributing members of society, and will be excellent parents. I will hold their baby in me and grow it and will have a gift like no other in my life when I am able to hand them their child (and by the way, this is not my egg / not my child – I am the vessel where he/she will grow). I consider this an opportunity to teach my children about love, sacrifice, acceptance, family, and understanding. These are the teachings that many religious philosophies ascribe to, and they just a few that guide my life.

I am a very spiritual person and I rely on my relationship with God to guide me. I have had many conversations with my Source about forgiveness, faith, trust, fear etc. and I have turned many of my problems and pains over to God and trust that answers to my questions will be revealed, solutions to my problems will be given, and that I will be led down a path that is my course. I know you have your very strong faith, as well, and I would never try to tell you that you are wrong, though I have my opinions, as you have your opinions of my decisions. I am shocked that there was even a suggestion that after my death, I will be received in hell with open arms for helping homosexuals have a family. If this is my fate for living my life, then so be it. I doubt that upon my demise you will find me there, but I don’t claim to know for sure.

I have been blessed to know some amazing people in my life; people who have taught me to be a better person through living life with an open heart. I ask you to open your heart, to stop condemning in the name of God, and to try to be more loving and less judgmental. Let my God, your God, Buddha, Allah, Joseph Smith, Whomever runs the Heavens, judge me someday. I’m OK with that. Jesus taught us to Love One Another. This is how I live my life. I love people and I give of myself when / however I can. I try to do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I don’t think that I will go to hell for this decision I’ve made, and know that it was not made lightly or on a whim. It will not be convenient for me to carry a baby this year. It will not be easy on my body, my relationships, my work. But nothing worth anything in life is easy. Just like it will be hard for you to get your head around this and be supportive and loving – I ask that you do it. Because in the end, it will be worth everything.