The Battle of Two Wolves

Our time in the cathedral with Evita, among the extraordinary stained glass depictions of Biblical events and under the banners hung on high that adorn the Christian Faith was very special.  We sat in the pews and admired the rich history that surrounded us and talked about the foundation and evolution of faith and understanding.

Evita talked about the many wars and struggles that stemmed from conflicting faiths and it was very enlightening, not only for my boys, but for Tim and I, too.  She talked about the Bible as a living book to be taken in its entirety, not to be picked apart line by line with the intent to use scripture to condemn others. 

Obviously, I abhore judgement and exclusion in the church, yet today, as I've encountered with many homophobic "Christians," the propensity to interpret scripture and choose verses to fit one's own idea of what pleases God is alive and well.  It's organized prejudice, really, and in my opinion, very un-Godlike. 

I believe, listening to the kind of man that Jesus was and asked others to be, that he would be ashamed of the way some of his followers turn their backs on others and cast judgement.  That's why I've always been highly suspicious of organized religious groups that claim to know what pleases God.  Really?  Do you know that God would give you a big thumbs up for ostracizing those "filthy gays" and shaming them openly in society?  Better watch your backs because I feel a lighning bolt comin' on.  But, what do I know?

I could never convince my sons that what their father has told them is wrong and mean and hurtful.  Doug's got "proof in the Bible."  Little does Doug know that I've got Evita - she's my ace in the hole and the closest I've ever come to "getting religion."  She explained that God loves everyone and excludes no one because the greatest message in the Bible is that God is love.  If we follow that message, there is no room for shaming, blaming, and excluding others.

"Do you believe that you are a child of God?" she asked Davis.

"Yes," he replied.

"Chet, do you believe you are a child of God?"

"Uh huh," he said.

"Do you think your mom is?"

"Yes," they said.

"And what about this baby?" she asked.  "Do you think this baby that belongs to Max and Bob and that is growing in your mom's belly is a child of God?" she asked.

"Yes," they said, and suddenly, I could see that the light had switched on for them.

"Boys, if God didn't want this baby to be born, it wouldn't be growing in me right now.  This baby is meant to be here.  It's a very special baby that will be surrounded by people who love it already and who want it to be here," I said.  "Do you agree?"

They both were beginning to understand and I could see the wheels turning in their heads.  Chet expressed his concern for the baby.  "But, this baby will be teased because it has two dads.  Kids will be mean."

Obviously Chet's fears for this innocent baby are his biggest concern.  It's clear that he doesn't think homosexuality is wrong.  Both boys expressed how much they like Max and Bob and how they think they'll be great parents.  "Max and Bob are awesome," said Davis.  "It's not that. It's just that other people might think it's wrong and they might be mean."  It's all about fear.  I understand this.  It's taken me a long time to release fear in my own life.  No wonder they are concerned and confused.

"You know Davis," said Evita.  "That reminds me of a Native American story.  A young boy was talking to his grandfather and he said, 'Grandfather, I feel like there are two wolves battling inside my heart.  One wolf is vengeful and angry and fearful and the other is loving and compassionate and giving.  They rage against each other and I must know, which wolf will win?'  The grandfather turned to his grandson and said, 'That which you feed.'" She looked to the boys to see if they understood.

"God is love, boys.  Feed the love in your hearts and everything will be as God wants it," she said. 

I could see the relief in both boys.  Through the conversation that evolved over the hour, it was almost as if they were given permission to feel good about this. 

On our way out, Tim stopped both boys and said, "Boys, I want you to remember that your mom isn't doing this for Max and Bob, 'The Homosexuals.'  She's doing it for Max and Bob, 'Our Friends.'  You understand?"

They did.  I think we are on our way.  I'm very proud of my boys and eternally grateful to Evita. Everything is moving in a positive direction.  This is a great lesson for my sons in releasing fear and turning to love.  They will be tested over and over in this regard, but they are one step closer to allowing love to reign and letting go of fear.  If they learn one thing in their lives, this is the most important to me.

They say that "Everything will be alright in the end."  If it's not alright; it's not the end.  We are all on a path of the evolution of our hearts.  And it's all alright.  Even the bumps.